March 2011. It was Friday night. I was on my way to see my friend Sani DJ at the Ivy Pool Bar, which she does every weekend. However, I missed the ferry from Manly to the city, so I had 45mins to wait until the next one. I wondered what to do in the meantime, and decided to wait in the Manly Wharf Bar, as they normally have some sport playing on the TV.
I had broken up with Rachel about 6 weeks before, and was just starting to feel human again. I genuinely didn't mind being in a bar by myself watching the rugby. At the bar on my left, there was a group of 3 girls, one of whom clearly had a lot of energy, and was dancing in a very exuberant fashion. It was almost cheesy, but that's part of what made it fun to watch. We locked eyes several times. She could tell that I liked what she was doing. It takes a lot of guts to dance when nobody else is. I do so all the time, as I love it so much.
The three of them took their drinks and walked away from the bar. As they walked past me, I said to her "I like your energy." "Come join us." She replied. I happily did so.
Without completely ignoring her friends, I spoke to her, and we got on great, and after a few minutes she said to me" You're a very sexy man, but I have a boyfriend that I love very much. I'd love for you to meet my friend J******". I said hello to her, and we, too, got on really well. I took her back to the bar and we talked some more. I told her about myself, and found out that she's an accountant and loves to keep fit, having been a gymnast previously. I was impressed, as even a half-good gymnast is an athletic phenomenon.
We rejoined her friends and talked some more, and I suggested she come over and I make her some nigerian food. She said that would be nice, and we swapped numbers. It was getting to time for the next ferry to leave, so I politely excused myself, but before I did so, pulled her into me and kissed her. "Mmmmm.... I'll be waiting for that phone call...!" She said.
We met up the following week, and got on fantastically. I explained to her that I had a very recent breakup, and that I wasn't ready for a relationship yet. She really appreciated my honesty, and it turned out that she wasn't in the market for a relationship either, but we still enjoyed each others company, so we agreed to date on an infrequent basis, which worked well until her dad became unwell. I offered her any help I could give her, but she said she really needed to be by herself. I gave her all the space she wanted, but let her know that I was there if she needed to talk, or if she wanted to see me again.
About 6 weeks later, she got back in contact, and her dad wasn't as unwell as first feared. It was nice to see her again, and continued to do so for quite a while after.
To tell the rest of the story in detail would involve revealing some very personal information, and I really don't want to do anything to upset her. I have to stress at this point, that she's never been anything but nice to me, and we've never had an argument, or even a minor misunderstanding until now. However, put simply, but still accurately, she went through a very distressing time that I helped her through, and in doing so, I realised how strongly I felt about her, and that I really wanted her to be my girlfriend. I felt ready now. I thought it a good idea to give her some space to get over what she'd just been through, which fit well with me, as I had to go back to London for my nephews birthday. When I got back, I messaged her, and she didn't get back to me, which was highly unusual. Three days later, I got a message from her saying that she couldn't see me anymore, as she was in love with someone else.
I had no real choice but to respect this, but I was crushed. With the vast majority of women that I meet, some things about them make me think 'yes', and some things make me think 'no'. But with her, there's only 'yes'. But she's gone, now.
I love you, J******.
I really do.
The song: http://youtu.be/Zway5olvw-0 (original draft)
https://soundcloud.com/victor-steele/gonna-be-there-sample (finished version)
The words: http://victor-thediary.blogspot.com.au/2014/01/gonna-be-there-lyrics.html